Over the past school year I have been comparing my old school and the one from which I recently graduated. I moaned about how despite the fact that my school year started earlier, and I had no weather related cancellations, I would still graduated later than the friends I left behind (literally not metaphorically, I still love you guys). I complained about how my new friends just could never compare to my old ones no matter how much they made me feel loved. Now my high school career is completely over, and I can't help but feel like I owe an apology to my classmates and peers.
I've been so caught up in missing all my friends that I was not more grateful for all the people in the present. This isn't really a new realization to me, and I kind of hinted at it in my "People are People" post, but after graduation I felt like I should address is head on. Sure would I rather be graduating with the class I spent the most time with? Yes, of course, but I can't disregard all the great people I met, and I wish I could have spent more time with them and respected the present when it was actually the present.
Now, I would like to say I've finally caught up in my life, especially since I won't be the only one thrown completely into a new environment. I'm actually quite scared for college, but then again who wasn't at one point or another? Even though I'm nervous I won't do well, I'm also very excited to start this new journey. Speaking of journeys, before I go off to college I get to go on a trip to reconnect with my ancestral roots. I will get to visit my obahchan and eat as much Japanese food as I can possibly handle.
I just want to lastly apologize for not being very coherent in this post. It was written over a couple days, and I could just never find the exact words to describe what I felt. To summarize I'm thankful for everyone I've met all throughout high school and sad that some of those people didn't live up to their unspoken promise of friendship (what.) but cannot wait to see where I will go next.
C'est la vie.
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Where did the time go?
I know I haven't written anything recently, and I'm not about to make any excuses, mostly because I have none. After AP testing, classes have really started to wind down, and all that I have left to do is get ready for finals. Once finals are over, school will be over and all I will have to worry about is graduation.
Even though I'm a little disappointed I won't be graduating with the class I spent most of my high school years with, I'm super excited to get high school over with and start college albeit still a little nervous. Just as a side note here, even though no one will really read this, I wish everyone luck for their future, and I can't wait for the day when we meet up again. Okay before I start crying I'm going to move on to something else.
As exciting as graduation is there is something I'm slightly more excited for (10 points to the house who can guess correctly). That's right/wrong! My trip to Japan!!!!!!!!!! I have been brushing up on my Japanese and listing all the different types of food I haven't eaten in forever, and I can no longer contain my excitement. Not only that, I will also be able to visit my grandmother I haven't see in 6 years. I don't want to seem like bragging, but can you feel my excitement?
I don't even know anymore I will finally be able to post things for what this blog was made. I can't believe that it's already summer. What have I been doing? I might write one more final reflection post before my trip but no promises. Until then, go out and have some fun, call a loved one even!
Even though I'm a little disappointed I won't be graduating with the class I spent most of my high school years with, I'm super excited to get high school over with and start college albeit still a little nervous. Just as a side note here, even though no one will really read this, I wish everyone luck for their future, and I can't wait for the day when we meet up again. Okay before I start crying I'm going to move on to something else.
As exciting as graduation is there is something I'm slightly more excited for (10 points to the house who can guess correctly). That's right/wrong! My trip to Japan!!!!!!!!!! I have been brushing up on my Japanese and listing all the different types of food I haven't eaten in forever, and I can no longer contain my excitement. Not only that, I will also be able to visit my grandmother I haven't see in 6 years. I don't want to seem like bragging, but can you feel my excitement?
I don't even know anymore I will finally be able to post things for what this blog was made. I can't believe that it's already summer. What have I been doing? I might write one more final reflection post before my trip but no promises. Until then, go out and have some fun, call a loved one even!
Saturday, April 18, 2015
What I don't know
So I know I promised a post about my experience at prom, but I couldn't get enough pictures and my thoughts were not very coherent so I decided to ditch the idea. I apologize to anyone who really wanted to know how it went, which is probably no one since most of my friends already know and they're the only ones who will actually read this. But to make up for my lack of writing I'm going to post my Honors Program application essay that asked what don't I know. (It's a bit long prepare yourself.)
After a brief hour long existential crisis in which I was almost ready to give up, I have once again decided to ask myself, “what don’t I know?” The truth of the matter is that really I don’t know a lot of things. I don’t even know how to finish this essay without it sounding pretentious, stifled, or overdone, but I guess the best I can do is to be honest.
I don’t know how I’m going to survive college. College used to be this fantasy land that only real grown ups could go to, and yet here I am slowly dipping my toes into higher education. I want to say I’m this confident, energetic person with a huge personality, and while I’m slowly gaining confidence, I don’t think I could ever step too far out of line. Then again this is not the first time I’ve been thrown completely into the unknown. Perhaps confidence is not what I need. Perhaps all I need is a little hope and faith to keep me from tensing up and falling under stress.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be completely happy. Sure there are bursts of joy here and there, and I’ve always been known to smile broadly and often, but sometimes I’m afraid I’m fooling everyone including myself. Maybe I’ve overanalyzing it, or maybe I’m being too cautious. I try to savour every happy moment, because I’m scared one day it will all disappear. I’m unsure about my future, and I often wonder if my career path is something I’ll really enjoy. I hear all of the stories about people being overworked or overstressed, and I think that those people could be me one day. Then I remember that there also plenty of stories where people are happy and doing things they love and that a positive attitude and self assurance can have a great impact.
I don’t know if whoever reads this will even care about what I have to say. Have they already rejected my essay as a vile creation that never deserved to see the light of day, or have they stuck with it and learned something about me? It could be both. I do hope, though, that they care about the person behind the words. While I don’t know if these words accurately represent who I am, I wrote them with my heart upon my sleeve, so it must represent some part of me. I know I might not be selling myself very well here, but I can’t try and mask who I really am.
I said I would be honest, and I think this essay has really given me that outlet to explore my fears and from where they stem. After all, people often fear what they do not know. While I work hard to not let my own worries prevent me from living my life, sometimes I do have to reflect on my doubts and identify what I can do to assuage them. I know that as I get older, I’ll learn a lot more, and as I learn more, I’ll discover more things that I don’t know. As much as I dislike the unknown, I believe I am ready to further differentiate what I know and what I don’t.
After a brief hour long existential crisis in which I was almost ready to give up, I have once again decided to ask myself, “what don’t I know?” The truth of the matter is that really I don’t know a lot of things. I don’t even know how to finish this essay without it sounding pretentious, stifled, or overdone, but I guess the best I can do is to be honest.
I don’t know how I’m going to survive college. College used to be this fantasy land that only real grown ups could go to, and yet here I am slowly dipping my toes into higher education. I want to say I’m this confident, energetic person with a huge personality, and while I’m slowly gaining confidence, I don’t think I could ever step too far out of line. Then again this is not the first time I’ve been thrown completely into the unknown. Perhaps confidence is not what I need. Perhaps all I need is a little hope and faith to keep me from tensing up and falling under stress.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be completely happy. Sure there are bursts of joy here and there, and I’ve always been known to smile broadly and often, but sometimes I’m afraid I’m fooling everyone including myself. Maybe I’ve overanalyzing it, or maybe I’m being too cautious. I try to savour every happy moment, because I’m scared one day it will all disappear. I’m unsure about my future, and I often wonder if my career path is something I’ll really enjoy. I hear all of the stories about people being overworked or overstressed, and I think that those people could be me one day. Then I remember that there also plenty of stories where people are happy and doing things they love and that a positive attitude and self assurance can have a great impact.
I don’t know if whoever reads this will even care about what I have to say. Have they already rejected my essay as a vile creation that never deserved to see the light of day, or have they stuck with it and learned something about me? It could be both. I do hope, though, that they care about the person behind the words. While I don’t know if these words accurately represent who I am, I wrote them with my heart upon my sleeve, so it must represent some part of me. I know I might not be selling myself very well here, but I can’t try and mask who I really am.
I said I would be honest, and I think this essay has really given me that outlet to explore my fears and from where they stem. After all, people often fear what they do not know. While I work hard to not let my own worries prevent me from living my life, sometimes I do have to reflect on my doubts and identify what I can do to assuage them. I know that as I get older, I’ll learn a lot more, and as I learn more, I’ll discover more things that I don’t know. As much as I dislike the unknown, I believe I am ready to further differentiate what I know and what I don’t.
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Just a Little Catch Up
I haven't written in a while, and that makes me a bit sad considering how relaxing blogging has been for me so far! I plan to have a big prom day post up sometime next week, so friends, you can look forward to that. Until then, I have decided to write a mini post about things that have been going on recently (which isn't much).
Friday was the last day of the 3rd quarter of the school year, and I surprisingly made all A's. I say surprisingly, because although I do fairly well in school there is always that one class that I get a B in ruining my otherwise all A report card. I suppose other people have it worse so I really shouldn't be complaining, but I think I should also be allowed to be proud of my accomplishments shamelessly, right?
In other news I'm currently reading The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, and it is beautiful. From the very first line the book just sucks you into this completely different world, and the descriptions are so detailed that you can just about smell, hear, taste, and see the circus. I've been trying to accurately pinpoint the mood of the book and I've settled on enchanting. Seriously, I'm only about 100 pages in, and I already cannot recommend this book enough. Let's hope it holds up for the rest of the 287 pages of the book.
Speaking of books, the Paper Towns movie trailer came out last Thursday and I could not be more excited. Unfortunately, I don't have many friends who has read the book and can't join in my enthusiastic fangirling, but I find those rare few when I can. Really though, the trailer looks so good, and I don't know how I'm going to survive until July 24th. Hopefully my little adventure in Japan can help me, if not, oh well!
Wow my life must be pretty exciting if all I can talk about is school and books. I did watch Cinderella today that was really good and the colors were just beautiful. I also really loved the simple elegance of the sparkles, but that might just be me. Anyways I'm going to say goodbye for now, and I can't wait for my next blog post!
Friday was the last day of the 3rd quarter of the school year, and I surprisingly made all A's. I say surprisingly, because although I do fairly well in school there is always that one class that I get a B in ruining my otherwise all A report card. I suppose other people have it worse so I really shouldn't be complaining, but I think I should also be allowed to be proud of my accomplishments shamelessly, right?
In other news I'm currently reading The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, and it is beautiful. From the very first line the book just sucks you into this completely different world, and the descriptions are so detailed that you can just about smell, hear, taste, and see the circus. I've been trying to accurately pinpoint the mood of the book and I've settled on enchanting. Seriously, I'm only about 100 pages in, and I already cannot recommend this book enough. Let's hope it holds up for the rest of the 287 pages of the book.
Speaking of books, the Paper Towns movie trailer came out last Thursday and I could not be more excited. Unfortunately, I don't have many friends who has read the book and can't join in my enthusiastic fangirling, but I find those rare few when I can. Really though, the trailer looks so good, and I don't know how I'm going to survive until July 24th. Hopefully my little adventure in Japan can help me, if not, oh well!
Wow my life must be pretty exciting if all I can talk about is school and books. I did watch Cinderella today that was really good and the colors were just beautiful. I also really loved the simple elegance of the sparkles, but that might just be me. Anyways I'm going to say goodbye for now, and I can't wait for my next blog post!
Saturday, March 7, 2015
People are People
"...I had been imagining her without listening, without knowing that she made as poor a window as I did. And so I could not imagine her as a person who could fear, who could feel isolated in a roomful of people, who could be shy about her record collection because it was too personal to share. Someone who might read travel books to escape having to live in the town that so many people escape to. Someone who -- because no one thought she was a person-- had no one to really talk to.
And all at once I knew how Margo Roth Spiegelman felt when she wasn't being Margo Roth Spiegelman: she felt empty."
~John Green via Paper Towns
Is it depressing how much I relate to this passage? I think everyone will/has done so at some point in their life which makes John Green books so popular. He eloquently states within his works the feelings that we didn't know we had, and we marvel at how simply worded it is and yet confused on how we were not aware of this notion earlier. At least, that's how I feel.
Anyways, I have a couple friends where I currently live, and they're nice people, and I like them enough to call them my friends. Sometimes though they seem so wrapped up in their own problems that I never feel like I can voice my own problems. I feel as though no one has tried to understand who I am, what my goals are, and what I like. Perhaps I'm being hypocritical, maybe I've been so consumed by having other people understand me, I've forgotten to give my own friends the attention that I would like.
It's weird though, I've never had this problem before. My friends back where I used to live, were amazing, they cared about me, and I certainly cared about them. Now that I think about it I may just be really homesick. I miss the people I left behind so much that I reject the people around me. That doesn't sound that healthy does it? I don't know. It could also just be that I'm older than the people I hang out with, and we grew up very differently, or a combination of everything.
Things started to change a bit when I started talking to my lab group in chemistry class. We just clicked really well I guess (I hope I'm not the only one in my group who thinks that because I would be absolutely devastated). Sure they know less about me than the people who sit with me at lunch, but I feel like I hold my own place in that group. I'm not the odd one out pushed aside invited into the conversation like an afterthought. With my lab group I actually feel like a person again and that gives me hope that I may not be as apathetic as I thought.
I didn't mean for this blog to become so philosophical or cheesy, but I'm usually the only person reading the actual post, and I like them so I guess it doesn't matter. Until next time...
And all at once I knew how Margo Roth Spiegelman felt when she wasn't being Margo Roth Spiegelman: she felt empty."
~John Green via Paper Towns
Is it depressing how much I relate to this passage? I think everyone will/has done so at some point in their life which makes John Green books so popular. He eloquently states within his works the feelings that we didn't know we had, and we marvel at how simply worded it is and yet confused on how we were not aware of this notion earlier. At least, that's how I feel.
Anyways, I have a couple friends where I currently live, and they're nice people, and I like them enough to call them my friends. Sometimes though they seem so wrapped up in their own problems that I never feel like I can voice my own problems. I feel as though no one has tried to understand who I am, what my goals are, and what I like. Perhaps I'm being hypocritical, maybe I've been so consumed by having other people understand me, I've forgotten to give my own friends the attention that I would like.
It's weird though, I've never had this problem before. My friends back where I used to live, were amazing, they cared about me, and I certainly cared about them. Now that I think about it I may just be really homesick. I miss the people I left behind so much that I reject the people around me. That doesn't sound that healthy does it? I don't know. It could also just be that I'm older than the people I hang out with, and we grew up very differently, or a combination of everything.
Things started to change a bit when I started talking to my lab group in chemistry class. We just clicked really well I guess (I hope I'm not the only one in my group who thinks that because I would be absolutely devastated). Sure they know less about me than the people who sit with me at lunch, but I feel like I hold my own place in that group. I'm not the odd one out pushed aside invited into the conversation like an afterthought. With my lab group I actually feel like a person again and that gives me hope that I may not be as apathetic as I thought.
I didn't mean for this blog to become so philosophical or cheesy, but I'm usually the only person reading the actual post, and I like them so I guess it doesn't matter. Until next time...
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Stressing Out
This week has been a fairly busy one for me. It was filled with homework, errands, and tons of stress, something I thought I finally had under control.
Stress is funny. Some people do their best work under pressure while others falter. I'm somewhere in the middle, or at least, I would like to think I am. I say this because while I certainly don't do my best work, I always seem to push myself to do better when I am under stress. Usually it starts off with me breaking down after thinking about all the things that need to be done, but powering through them one step at a time knowing that there will be something constantly bothering me until I finish.
I'm a perfectionist, so I always like doing things correctly and completing tasks, but this also causes me to procrastinate a lot, because I can't face the prospect that maybe what I'm doing is wrong. I think that most of my stress stems from this very problem. I wish I could just stop worrying about things so much, but I think it's so far ingrained in me that I can't not be constantly on my toes. This could, of course, be a good thing, but sometimes it prohibits you from relaxing and enjoying yourself. I think the main thing is not letting the stress keep you from living your life.
I'm not really in the best position to give advice and really if I did it would be something super cliched. To be honest this was more of a journal entry where I organized my thoughts, so I can reboot my mind and tell myself that everything will be okay even if I'm not great at certain things. I think this week truly proved that maybe worrying about a thousand things at once is not the best idea, and I need to trust my instincts and not second guess myself so much.
Stress is funny. Some people do their best work under pressure while others falter. I'm somewhere in the middle, or at least, I would like to think I am. I say this because while I certainly don't do my best work, I always seem to push myself to do better when I am under stress. Usually it starts off with me breaking down after thinking about all the things that need to be done, but powering through them one step at a time knowing that there will be something constantly bothering me until I finish.
I'm a perfectionist, so I always like doing things correctly and completing tasks, but this also causes me to procrastinate a lot, because I can't face the prospect that maybe what I'm doing is wrong. I think that most of my stress stems from this very problem. I wish I could just stop worrying about things so much, but I think it's so far ingrained in me that I can't not be constantly on my toes. This could, of course, be a good thing, but sometimes it prohibits you from relaxing and enjoying yourself. I think the main thing is not letting the stress keep you from living your life.
I'm not really in the best position to give advice and really if I did it would be something super cliched. To be honest this was more of a journal entry where I organized my thoughts, so I can reboot my mind and tell myself that everything will be okay even if I'm not great at certain things. I think this week truly proved that maybe worrying about a thousand things at once is not the best idea, and I need to trust my instincts and not second guess myself so much.
Sunday, February 15, 2015
An Introduction
Hello people who may or may not exist (I could be writing into the void for all I know)!
My name is Angelina Varela, and the main reason for starting this blog is for my prospective trip to Japan in the summer. I hope to post different pictures and thoughts I have while I'm visiting my grandmother. Until then, I'm just going to write about things going on in my life and any thoughts I happen to have. Almost like a test run! But first a couple warnings:
1. Names and locations may be changed for privacy reasons. I'll try to add a disclaimer at the end of each post.
2. My grammar is awful, so I'm sorry if you misunderstand something.
3. Constructive criticism is appreciated, but at the end of the day it is my blog. If there is something you don't like, you can always just quit reading.
4. This is just for fun. I don't have any set schedules or any set plans with how I want my blog to go. Also I'm still in school and my grades are first priority, but I'll try to write as often as I can.
I really don't know if anyone will read this, nor do I really care if anyone does, but I think it's good to get the basic stuff out of the way at the beginning. This mostly includes my love for reading, YouTube, the BBC, and a bunch of other nerdy stuff. As I write more and more you'll to know me better, but I also hope to keep some things about my life private. And I think that's it for now, thanks for reading!
Angie
My name is Angelina Varela, and the main reason for starting this blog is for my prospective trip to Japan in the summer. I hope to post different pictures and thoughts I have while I'm visiting my grandmother. Until then, I'm just going to write about things going on in my life and any thoughts I happen to have. Almost like a test run! But first a couple warnings:
1. Names and locations may be changed for privacy reasons. I'll try to add a disclaimer at the end of each post.
2. My grammar is awful, so I'm sorry if you misunderstand something.
3. Constructive criticism is appreciated, but at the end of the day it is my blog. If there is something you don't like, you can always just quit reading.
4. This is just for fun. I don't have any set schedules or any set plans with how I want my blog to go. Also I'm still in school and my grades are first priority, but I'll try to write as often as I can.
I really don't know if anyone will read this, nor do I really care if anyone does, but I think it's good to get the basic stuff out of the way at the beginning. This mostly includes my love for reading, YouTube, the BBC, and a bunch of other nerdy stuff. As I write more and more you'll to know me better, but I also hope to keep some things about my life private. And I think that's it for now, thanks for reading!
Angie
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