What I don't know

So I know I promised a post about my experience at prom, but I couldn't get enough pictures and my thoughts were not very coherent so I decided to ditch the idea. I apologize to anyone who really wanted to know how it went, which is probably no one since most of my friends already know and they're the only ones who will actually read this. But to make up for my lack of writing I'm going to post my Honors Program application essay that asked what don't I know. (It's a bit long prepare yourself.)
After a brief hour long existential crisis in which I was almost ready to give up, I have once again decided to ask myself, “what don’t I know?” The truth of the matter is that really I don’t know a lot of things. I don’t even know how to finish this essay without it sounding pretentious, stifled, or overdone, but I guess the best I can do is to be honest.

I don’t know how I’m going to survive college. College used to be this fantasy land that only real grown ups could go to, and yet here I am slowly dipping my toes into higher education. I want to say I’m this confident, energetic person with a huge personality, and while I’m slowly gaining confidence, I don’t think I could ever step too far out of line. Then again this is not the first time I’ve been thrown completely into the unknown. Perhaps confidence is not what I need. Perhaps all I need is a little hope and faith to keep me from tensing up and falling under stress.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be completely happy. Sure there are bursts of joy here and there, and I’ve always been known to smile broadly and often, but sometimes I’m afraid I’m fooling everyone including myself. Maybe I’ve overanalyzing it, or maybe I’m being too cautious. I try to savour every happy moment, because I’m scared one day it will all disappear. I’m unsure about my future, and I often wonder if my career path is something I’ll really enjoy. I hear all of the stories about people being overworked or overstressed, and I think that those people could be me one day. Then I remember that there also plenty of stories where people are happy and doing things they love and that a positive attitude and self assurance can have a great impact.

I don’t know if whoever reads this will even care about what I have to say. Have they already rejected my essay as a vile creation that never deserved to see the light of day, or have they stuck with it and learned something about me? It could be both. I do hope, though, that they care about the person behind the words. While I don’t know if these words accurately represent who I am, I wrote them with my heart upon my sleeve, so it must represent some part of me. I know I might not be selling myself very well here, but I can’t try and mask who I really am.

I said I would be honest, and I think this essay has really given me that outlet to explore my fears and from where they stem. After all, people often fear what they do not know. While I work hard to not let my own worries prevent me from living my life, sometimes I do have to reflect on my doubts and identify what I can do to assuage them. I know that as I get older, I’ll learn a lot more, and as I learn more, I’ll discover more things that I don’t know. As much as I dislike the unknown, I believe I am ready to further differentiate what I know and what I don’t.