People are People

"...I had been imagining her without listening, without knowing that she made as poor a window as I did. And so I could not imagine her as a person who could fear, who could feel isolated in a roomful of people, who could be shy about her record collection because it was too personal to share. Someone who might read travel books to escape having to live in the town that so many people escape to. Someone who -- because no one thought she was a person-- had no one to really talk to.

And all at once I knew how Margo Roth Spiegelman felt when she wasn't being Margo Roth Spiegelman: she felt empty."

~John Green via Paper Towns

Is it depressing how much I relate to this passage? I think everyone will/has done so at some point in their life which makes John Green books so popular. He eloquently states within his works the feelings that we didn't know we had, and we marvel at how simply worded it is and yet confused on how we were not aware of this notion earlier. At least, that's how I feel.

Anyways, I have a couple friends where I currently live, and they're nice people, and I like them enough to call them my friends. Sometimes though they seem so wrapped up in their own problems that I never feel like I can voice my own problems. I feel as though no one has tried to understand who I am, what my goals are, and what I like. Perhaps I'm being hypocritical, maybe I've been so consumed by having other people understand me, I've forgotten to give my own friends the attention that I would like.

It's weird though, I've never had this problem before. My friends back where I used to live, were amazing, they cared about me, and I certainly cared about them. Now that I think about it I may just be really homesick. I miss the people I left behind so much that I reject the people around me. That doesn't sound that healthy does it?  I don't know. It could also just be that I'm older than the people I hang out with, and we grew up very differently, or a combination of everything.

Things started to change a bit when I started talking to my lab group in chemistry class. We just clicked really well I guess (I hope I'm not the only one in my group who thinks that because I would be absolutely devastated). Sure they know less about me than the people who sit with me at lunch, but I feel like I hold my own place in that group. I'm not the odd one out pushed aside invited into the conversation like an afterthought. With my lab group I actually feel like a person again and that gives me hope that I may not be as apathetic as I thought.

I didn't mean for this blog to become so philosophical or cheesy, but I'm usually the only person reading the actual post, and I like them so I guess it doesn't matter. Until next time...